Marriage is a huge commitment and we don’t always make it with the right person. The fact that around 42% of UK marriages end in divorce is all the evidence you need.
Many of us will soldier on in the hopes that it will get better or that our loved one will change, but some reach a point of no return.
So what does that final straw look like? Nearly 10,000 men and women have shared the moment they realised they married the wrong person in a viral Reddit thread. And from epiphanies at the altar to years of mistreatment, the decision to divorce looks different for everyone…
On the big day
It seems a little crazy that what is meant to be one of the happiest days of your life could prove to be a day you regret. Sadly for these ladies and gents, that was the case.
Money can be a point of contention in any relationship. The Jimenez Law Firm shares that financial problems contribute to up to 40% of divorces, and this is exactly what happened for Reddit user @StrangeJitsu.
He wrote: ‘On the wedding day she spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one footing the bill on the credit card she ran up. So, I told her no more.
‘She said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) [so I] told her it was not needed. She fought me on it but finally agreed. Wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly.’
We all have boundaries and for many married couples, texting in a sexual manner outside your relationship is a red line. That’s why @Hora_Moan knew just after tying the knot that her marriage wouldn’t work.
She wrote: ‘When he was messaging a side chick on our wedding day and boy did it go sideways from there.’
After the wedding, the honeymoon is supposed to be a relaxing and romantic escape where you can relish in newlywed bliss — but it wasn’t for this poor woman.
‘After we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, he absolutely lost his mind at me in public,’ @gridironbuffalo wrote. ‘I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came.
‘He screamed at me, telling me he hated travelling with me, and asked how could I ruin his vacation like this. Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry.’
In health but not sickness
When you get married, you vow to be there for your partner no matter what — and that includes being there in times of physical and emotional need. But some people fall at the first hurdle.
‘I lost twins and he dropped me off at the hospital to get an operation to have my babies removed. He dropped me off at the hospital bleeding and went for a party with his friends,’ @5ftGrinch shared.
For @No_Nectarine6007, he had a similar breaking point, writing: ‘When I came home from the ER after being diagnosed with a severe lung disorder, and she immediately left me with the kids so she could go out drinking with friends.
‘Her exact words were “I need you to make them dinner, I’m running late to meet up with everyone.’
Bereavement is another tough challenge that partners should support each other through, but @Tahity1986’s husband failed miserably.
‘When my aunt, who I loved dearly, passed away. She was only 54 and I was devastated by her loss, which my husband knew,’ she said.
‘As soon as we got home my husband said: “Well, that’s that. We can move on now.” She was just cold in the ground and he was saying that being dead (no pun intended) serious whilst turning on his PS4 to play games.
‘I was speechless and went to bed by myself, feeling so utterly lonely. Two days later he forgot my birthday. We’ve been divorced for seven years now.’
Another user @gaz8600 knew his marriage was over simply when his wife left him high and dry. He wrote: ‘When she was getting ready to go to the pub and I called her to say the car had broken down and I was stuck seven miles from home. She said she couldn’t help. We had two cars. We split two months later.’
Losing yourself
In our efforts to make someone happy, we can often try and fit ourselves into the small box they wish to put us in. And it seems this experience leaves a lot of people wanting a divorce.
‘One day I realised I had become a smaller version of myself,’ said @mlerin.
‘I’m about a year past a really tough breakup, and this hits hard,’ added @thefrenchflex. ‘My friends all tell me they like the new me. And it certainly feels easier to be me.
‘I don’t know why I ever let it be reduced. I think she left me with a bit of imposter syndrome, but it turns out I’m f**king’ dope.’
@Dash_Harber also shared: ‘I realised that I was hiding good news from her because I knew she would make me feel bad about it. I hoped she was going to grow up and stop being selfish and childish. She never did.’
Cheating
You’ve probably been expecting this one but there’s no denying that infidelity can destroy a marriage. It’s that breach of trust, the questions it raises, the lack of self-worth it can sometimes make you have.
For @jimillett, it was no different. ‘I figured out [the marriage was over] after the fifth guy she f**ked over seven years of marriage. At least five I knew about anyway.
‘Every time I thought it was me. I could be a better husband, more caring, more supportive, more anything she needed. If I could just be a better spouse she would love me and then everything would be right and we would be fine.
‘Then it hit me, she doesn’t love me. I was just never going to be someone she loved no matter how good of a husband I was. So I told her I wanted a divorce and why. She didn’t even cry. I moved out that week, filed for divorce, got an apartment and moved on.’
@Valiantlycaustic shared her experience too. ‘Six months after our wedding when I found out about the emotional (he says only emotional but I’m pretty sure it was physical too) affair through text messages.
‘He had sent his affair partner screenshots of my texts to him in which I was begging him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong. They both proceeded to make fun of my desperation to fix my marriage and his affair partner said something along the lines of “poor valiant, she doesn’t know anything and keeps begging you for attention and affection”.
‘The moment I read those words I realised how big of mistake I had made.’
Lastly, @RalphFTW shared: ‘When I got her to admit she was having an affair.
’10 years married, two kids. What a mess. She followed it up a month or two later telling me she never loved a person like she does with new partner.
‘So welcome to divorce land. Population, me.’
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