Here’s why you shouldn’t ask cancer survivors about ‘the all clear’

Watching professional dancer Amy Dowden on Strictly Come Dancing this season has become the highlight of my week. 

Not just because of her immense talent, but as someone who has, like Amy, been through breast cancer treatment, it’s been a joyous experience to see her strut her stuff.

But when I read that Amy had reportedly collapsed after Saturday night’s Halloween special and had been to hospital, I felt sick.  

While Amy hasn’t explained why she was rushed to hospital – and nor should she have to – it served as a stark reminder that when it comes to life ‘after’ cancer, for many of us there is no real after, either mentally or physically.  

Amy had initially been forced to step away from the dance floor after announcing her diagnosis with an aggressive form of breast cancer in May 2023. She was only 32, and just back from her honeymoon.  

The dancer decided to share her experience, no matter what happened, and so the nation watched her go through the same kind of brutal treatment as I had, chemo, mastectomy and radiotherapy. 

But this year we saw her return to the dance floor – and what a joy it was as she performed with her celebrity partner JB Gill, lean, toned, tanned, with her blonde locks growing back, and radiant with apparent good health 

Even to me it felt like she was saying ‘Cancer? What cancer’.

Amy looked like a poster girl for how you could get through cancer and then – ta da! – put it behind you.  

But seeing her struggle with her health has been a firm reminder of something I know well – there is no forgetting what you’ve been through. 

Of course, Amy’s collapse may well have nothing to do with her breast cancer. She has spoken about her struggles with the bowel disease Crohn’s.

But for me, seeing her vulnerable reminded me of my own experience.

My breast cancer diagnosis in the autumn of 2021 came as a huge and terrible shock. 

Like Amy, I had more than one tumour; they were growing extremely fast and had already spread to my lymph nodes in my armpit. I thought I was going to die. 

I am in a much better place now, but recovery is a long process. 

When I was having treatment, people often asked when I’d get the ‘all clear’ and honestly I don’t blame them. 

Before I landed in Cancer Land I had no idea that the journey back to normality could be so prolonged, frightening and unpredictable, or that some aspects of cancer could last forever. 

For example, it’s just over three years since I first sat in a chemo chair, yet I am still having regular infusions to harden my bones to make it harder for rogue cancer cells to set up home in them. 

I am also on a waiting list for more surgery as radiotherapy has hardened and distorted my reconstructed breast. 

For other women, permanent hair loss, nerve damage and infertility can be permanent reminders of what they have been through.  

But worst of all, for me, has been The Fear. 

Breast cancer has a relatively high recurrence rate (20-30%) and some cells can escape into the bloodstream, lymphatic system, organs or bones, before reactivating and forming tumours. 

At this point the disease is incurable. 

I’d be lying if I said this fact hasn’t caused me to struggle with my mental health – every time I have a headache, a twinge in my back, or feel particularly tired, my first thought is always, ‘has my cancer come back?’.  

Amy herself talked about this feeling after a post-treatment MRI revealed breast changes that thankfully turned out to be benign. She said, ‘I’m feeling really anxious and worried because it obviously brought back memories of everything I went through a year ago.’ 

If this sounds like you, it’s important to realise you are not alone. There is support available from charities such as Maggie’s, Future Dreams and Breast Cancer Now, and from your GP who can refer you for counselling.  

And we can all find the things that help distract and uplift us. For me it’s yoga, Pilates, chatting to my friends, and, yes, Strictly. Especially this year, when it’s been so easy to cheer on someone like Amy who has been through everything that I have. 

But even before that, all through the horrors of treatment, my hours immersed in the iconic BBC show’s sequins, sambas and silliness were and still are a precious source of glorious escapism every weekend.  

The BBC has announced that Amy is ‘doing much better’, and while fellow pro Lauren Oakley has stepped in for her this week, the plan is that Amy will return after a week’s rest.  

That is good news, and as a fellow survivor, I hope that people will appreciate that for all of us, the journey back from cancer is never smooth, rarely pain-free, and always complex. 

So I cannot wait to see Amy back on the dance floor, looking wonderful, and doing what she does best, spreading joy.  

For herself, and for all of us. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

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