My PT said I’d gain weight if I left him – then he abused me

‘That’s what you do to me,’ my personal trainer said, stepping back.

While I was exercising in front of him at the gym, he had an erection.

He had put his hand down his pants, wiped his pre-cum on his hand, and then wiped it on me.

It was sickening – and it happened more than once.

He’d go to the toilet and come back saying, ‘Oh God, it’s happening again – I can’t help it. It’s you, it’s how you’re making me feel. It’s so embarrassing’.

There were always people in the gym with us. I don’t know why I didn’t shout out; but then, I remember that he had total control of me at the time. He was completely and utterly in my head.

This was two years ago – but I’m still living with it.

I started looking for a personal trainer in 2021, after my first trainer moved away.

At first, I was 22 stone but had lost almost 10 of that in the space of a few years and and I wanted to start toning up.

I found a personal trainer who specialised in bodybuilding and who part-owned a family-run gym.

This was the man who would go on to abuse me.

I started training with him in October 2021, meeting at the gym four times a week.

Initially, all I noticed was that he had a different approach to my previous trainer. She’d write everything down and give me targets; he never did that. I brushed it off as simply being a different area of fitness.

He and I were both in relationships at the time – and while we trained, he’d encourage me to open up about my relationship with my partner, which wasn’t great.

He knew I was in a vulnerable place.

He had put his hand down his pants, wiped his pre-cum on his hand, and then wiped it on me

Around Christmas 2021, the messages started: ‘How are you looking in your Christmas dresses?’

I found these texts bizarre, and I didn’t want to share them with anyone. I had five children; I didn’t want to look like I was doing anything untoward.

‘Maybe it’s a jokey thing,’ I thought.

It wasn’t a joke – but I just had no idea. I feel quite naïve when it comes to how men can talk to women. I’ve not had many partners; I’ve mostly kept to myself and my children.

Around this time, the touching started, too. He’d lean over me, rather than around me, to change my weights – so his hand could stroke me.

Soon, his messages said things like: ‘You’re looking beautiful, your figure’s changing’.

Around February 2022, he told me he thought there was something between us.

I didn’t feel the spark, and I wondered if I was missing something. I considered walking away, that this behaviour was inappropriate, but pulling away from him was incredibly difficult.

I’d felt very vulnerable when my last trainer had moved away – I’d relied on her, and this male trainer took advantage of that. 

He made me believe that, if I stopped training with him, all the weight would come back on. He used to say, ‘You’ll never, ever get anybody as good as me – you’ll go back to how you were’.

It wasn’t long before he had complete control over me.

We only met at the gym – the environment in which he had the power – and he controlled everything, even what I was wearing. He said he liked me in black shorts, so I wore black shorts.

In May 2022, he took me into a side room, said, ‘We’ve touched; there’s something there’ – and kissed me.

I left thinking, ‘God, what the hell just happened?!’.

Not long after that he finally dropped the L-bomb. ‘I love you’ he said.

‘You’re married,’ I tried to protest. But by now he had taken over my whole mind.

All I thought about was getting to the gym, working out, and being with him.

That’s when he started getting erections and wiping pre-cum on me while we were training. There was absolutely nothing sexual about that for me – it did not turn me on whatsoever.

But I couldn’t tell anyone – he had such a hold over me. And, of course, I was paying him the whole time.

When I tell friends about it now, I don’t think most of them understand why I didn’t say anything then. It’s not as though I can’t speak out for myself – I’ve got five children, so I’ve always been a strong person.

But this was different. I was in a toxic bubble, entirely under this man’s control.

By June 2022, he consumed my every thought.

I’ve never neglected my children, but I can’t say they were the first thought I woke up to each morning.

During those months, I was having trouble with my son; and my mother died. It was my lowest point. And he was in my head throughout it all.

I plucked up the courage to text his wife to inform her I had an STI and that her husband was the one who gave it to me

One day, he took me into a private room and we had sex. It couldn’t have lasted longer than about four minutes – it all felt very timed and perfunctory. There was no buildup; it was intercourse, and that was it.

I remember him saying, ‘It’s not all about the sex. It’s about the control. It’s about the seducing’.

We had sex quite a few more times, and it always felt like there was a timer set.

It was all so out of character for me – I don’t go sleeping with other people’s husbands – which just shows the extent of his power over me.

But he knew exactly what he was doing.

In October 2022, I realised I had an STI – and it could only have been from him. I knew I hadn’t slept with anyone else; not even my partner.

Guilt ridden, I plucked up the courage to text his wife to inform her I had an STI and that her husband was the one who gave it to me. I also told her I suspected that I wasn’t the only woman from the gym my trainer had been sleeping with.

At first she called me a liar and a nutter – she even put my text on social media and claimed I was a stalker.

But then, one of her clients confirmed the story, saying that she had seen his car outside the other woman’s house.

Hearing this then gave me the strength I needed to pull away.

I went to the police who launched an investigation (that is still ongoing today), and to the National Trading Standards who then directed me to CIMSPA – a professional development body for fitness professionals.

CIMPSA told me that to advertise as a personal trainer you need to hold certain qualifications and this is the UK’s qualifications base. And there was no record of his qualification.

The impact of his abuse has been almost unbearable. I’ve had nightmares, and I’ve had to get sleeping tablets from my doctor

Unfortunately, that’s where CIMPSA’s investigation stopped. As he was not qualified, he was not a registered member of their organisation and so they could not do anything more for me.

I broke everything off after that. He tried contacting me; but I took myself off social media. 

I still sometimes see him in his car; I always look the other way.

The impact of his abuse has been almost unbearable. I’ve had nightmares, and I’ve had to get sleeping tablets from my doctor. I’ve got support from a Sexual Violence Adviser; but he’s still lurking in my head, two years on. 

I used to be an outgoing person; I was out all the time, when I wasn’t working. But he’s changed all that.

I rarely go out now and I couldn’t even bring myself to go back into any gym for a long time – he took something away from me that I was very passionate about. 

It was only in January this year that I was able to join a new gym. Though it still took me until March to actually walk through the doors, and even then that was with a friend by my side.

At first, I could only go once a week. Every time I would do a workout, I’d think of him.

But I’m getting there. In the past month, I’ve managed to start going to gym classes on my own. 

But I can’t express enough how important it is for women to do their research before signing up to a gym or committing to a personal trainer. Don’t just think, ‘He seems nice’ – check their qualifications.

Because whenever I used to hear about people being manipulated, I’d think: ‘God, that would never happen to me’.

But it did.

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