Sat in the garden with a book in hand, I cheered as my 11-year-old daughter Ella showed me how long she could hold a handstand for.
It’s something she had been practising for months, and although I was on a break from working, I felt happy that we were all busy doing something outside and not sitting inside, heads in screens.
The summer holidays were in full swing and I was enjoying every ounce of them (well, almost, in the interests of keeping it real). This was because not once did the kids – Ella and Leo, seven – utter the words ‘I’m bored’. Nor had they been nagging us for screen time.
I have my four rules before screen time to thank for that – but more on that later.
This hadn’t always been the case, mind you.
During previous school holidays, on the days where we had no plans, the kids’ default for pacifying themselves had been asking to watch TV or play on their tablets. While I am not opposed to the kids having some screen time, it bothered me that my creative, imaginative, bright children were opting to entertain themselves with screens.
Of course, we have always had strict boundaries in place on how much time the children can have watching TV or playing on their tablets – around an hour at a time, which they have (mainly) adhered to. But being totally transparent, there had been times where they had a longer stint, and I think this is probably where things started going a little awry. Lack of consistency.
Our kids constantly coming to ask for their screen time meant my husband and I constantly saying ‘no’ in a bid to get them doing something a bit more productive. This is because we don’t believe childhoods should be spent with heads permanently in a screen.
It was making us all miserable, because even though it isn’t a bad thing to say ‘no’ to your kids, parent guilt would still seep in and the kids felt like they were missing out, assuming all their mates were spending endless time online or watching TV.
And we were not alone.
Recent research has shown that it can negatively impact mental health, sleep, behaviour, as well as lead to cyberbullying and viewing inappropriate content. There is no escaping the fact that the digital and online world has become a real problem for kids.
In an effort to fix this problem, I introduced a ‘boredom jar’ to our family back in the 2020 lockdown, which is where an activity prompt is written on coloured lolly sticks and placed in an empty jar for kids to choose from when they become bored. Things like, make a comic strip, build a den or paint rocks. The kids liked this idea and it was great for sparking their imaginations.
However, by summer last year, even the ‘boredom jar’ was becoming boring.
Unfortunately, after a few times of suggesting something from the jar, we were then putting extra caveats in place – like how much time to spend on each activity so that they wouldn’t just do something for 10 minutes.
Feeling frustrated, I decided to change tactics last summer.
I’d heard of screen time charts, where kids write how much screen time they are going to have and what they are going to do beforehand. While these give some responsibility to children – the idea being that they will stick to their own rules – I feel that ultimately, it is the parents who need to be in control when it comes to this.
So I thought about what it was that I’d rather my kids to be doing and what I knew that they would likely compromise on. Then I came up with four things for them to ask themselves each day during the holidays.
After a couple of days, the children only asked for screen time once they had done the four things
‘Before screens, have I 1) Spent a minimum of 60 minutes outside? 2) Read? 3) Played? (minimum of 60 mins) 4) Tidied up after myself?’
The kids were sceptical, but agreed that these rules were achievable. Crucially, they understood that they were non-negotiable.
I, too, was a little apprehensive about how well they would work, but we implemented them straight away and the results far exceeded my expectations.
The ‘Boredom Jar’ no longer became boring. If they had failed to think up something to do independently, they would ask for the jar for inspiration.
They happily sat outside in a den, writing stories and poems, or spent time making potions with coloured water, essence and natural items they had foraged on a walk.
They were rediscovering their love of Playmobil and playing board and card games together – plus, their bedrooms and the living room had never been tidier.
They had definitely earned their screen time and they made sure that we knew it!
Naturally, on day one and two, there were a few reminders needed of the rules – but after a couple of days, the children only asked for screen time once they had done the four things.
What surprised me though, was that they would often spend much longer doing these things than the minimum amount of time suggested – from reading for an hour or playing outside pretty much the whole day.
The days of proclaiming ‘I’m bored’ were no more. In fact, some days they didn’t even ask for screen time at all.
The kids were happier, too. You could see the excitement they were feeling at completing a series of books and creating new ways to play, with their existing toys, and imaginatively – plus the sense of pride when they had made something junk modelling or out of Lego.
The success of this has led to us making it a permanent house rule, so it is no longer just for the holidays – but all year round. We have a gaming and tablet ban during the week already, but these rules help regulate TV during the week, along with homework being completed, and then on the weekend, when all screens are allowed.
Implementing boundaries to create healthy screen time habits is vital for our children’s wellbeing and I would urge other parents to give this a go.
It has worked so well for us, I know it can work for them, too.
Ella’s daily dedication to a handstand now means she can hold one for around five seconds, and Leo’s cricket skills have vastly improved by spending more time outdoors.
IT’s led us to declare 2024 the year we finally (just about) got it right.
This article was originally published 25 August, 2024
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