As the trial of Dominique Pélicot unfolds in France, women are grappling with a uniquely horrifying prospect; that they may never truly know the men in their lives, or the harm they’re capable of inflicting.
The 71-year-old admitted to drugging his wife, Gisele, 72, and inviting dozens of strangers to rape her while she lay unconscious – assaults he catalogued in thousands of depraved videos and photographs – over a period of nine years.
In a case that’s shocked the world, 50 additional suspects identified in the films (a further 22 could not be traced) stand accused of aggravated rape of the grandmother, who has waived her right to anonymity in order to raise awareness about sexual abuse.
The men in court range in age from 26 to 74, and reportedly include a fireman, a nurse, a civil servant, a plumber, a soldier and a journalist. What they have in common however, is that they were all active in a now-defunct chatroom focused on non-consent and rough or forced sex.
Gisele Pélicot was completely unaware of the fact these men were being recruited online to take advantage of her by the man she loved, initially telling police her husband was ‘a great guy’ before being confronted by they images they’d discovered in the pair’s home in Mazan, Provence.
‘We were 50 years together, with three children and seven grandchildren, and our friends said we were the ideal couple,’ she said in court. ‘I just couldn’t take it in.’
Can we really trust those closest to us?
This is one of the scariest things for many onlookers to process about this already-horrendous story. Not only were the rapes orchestrated by her life partner and the father of their children, numerous local men – some of whom will have families of their own or be considered upstanding members of the community – were ready and willing to partake.
‘This case is particularly distressing because it strikes at the core of trust within intimate relationships,’ Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic tells Metro.co.uk. ‘It shatters a fundamental belief that we can know and trust the people closest to us.’
According to Dr Elena, for some this might also ‘trigger anxiety about their own relationships and the unsettling fear that something similar could happen to them.’
On X, @HlTCHANNIE commented: ‘If you can’t be safe with your husband, and with your father, in your own house, on your own bed. What’s left?’
Another, @rootsfranta, wrote: ‘Every new article I read about Gisele Pélicot’s case just makes me want to roll over and hurl with every paragraph. Women are never safe. We have to be cautious of every man because it does not matter if that man is your husband, it does not matter if he is your father or stranger.’
‘No wonder so many women simply don’t trust men,’ added @JEVLloyd. ‘I’ll have my guard up more too after reading her story.’
A real life horror movie
While this case is unprecedented, it highlights the grim fact that those close to us pose the greatest risk, as half of rapes against women are carried out by their partner or ex-partner and six in seven are carried out by someone they know. In fact, a third of adult survivors of rape experience it in their own home.
From Josef Fritzl to Fred West, we have seen fathers and husbands commit heinous acts against their families throughout the years. So too have we seen men in positions of trust – police officer Wayne Couzens and school caretaker Ian Huntley to name a few – using their social standing to commit crimes against women and girls.
Dominique Pélicot has been dubbed the ‘monster of Avignon’, but he and the men he’s on trial with aren’t the stuff of horror movies. Although not all men are rapists or abusers, the ones who are are indistinguishable from the men we work, live, and spend our lives with.
‘Navigating a world where stories like this are all too real is incredibly challenging,’ says Dr Elena. ‘It’s natural to feel a heightened sense of fear or distrust, especially when hearing about crimes committed by people who were trusted, not only by their partners but by their communities.’
However, she adds: ‘Living in constant fear or suspicion can be emotionally exhausting and damaging.’
Processing the trauma
Amid news stories like this, balancing viligance with perspective is important; as Dr Elena stresses, ‘most people we encounter are not a danger.’
Instead, she recommends building a sense of internal safety by ‘trusting yourself to notice red flags, empowering yourself to set boundaries, and maintaining open communication in relationships’.
‘This allows women to stay connected with those they care about, without being paralysed by fear,’ Dr Elena says. ‘But this isn’t easy, and it requires ongoing self-compassion and self-trust.’
Speaking about fears with friends, family, or a therapist can also help ensure awareness doesn’t become overwhelming or isolating. Acknowledging the feelings this case brings up (and seeking support for them) is equally key if it has triggered traumatic memories.
‘Give yourself permission to feel these emotions, and know that you are not alone in feeling this way,’ explains Dr Elena.
Engage in self-care – which might involve talking to a trusted friend, practising mindfulness, or seeking professional help – and establish boundaries around news consumption if it all gets too much.
Finally, Dr Elena adds: ‘Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and to prioritise your mental health over staying informed. Recognising the need for support is a powerful step in managing the emotional impact of such harrowing news.’
Need support?
If you’ve been sexually assaulted, raped, or abused and live in England, your local SARC (sexual assault referral centre) can offer medical, practical and emotional support, and have specially trained doctors, nurses and support workers to care for you.
Alternatively, you can seek support online with one of the following voluntary organisations:
To speak to someone on the phone, call the 24-hour freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247 or the rape and sexual abuse support line, run by Rape Crisis England and Wales, on 0808 500 2222.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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