Hands opening an engagement box with a ring inside, another person's hands clasped around them
Can I propose before my sister gets proposed to? (Picture: Getty)

Dear Alison,

I want to propose to my partner, but I feel like I have to wait for my sister to get engaged first.

She asked me to help her convince her boyfriend to move his engagement plans forward, because she wants it sooner than later – he had initially planned to get down on one knee in a year or so, but my sister wants to get it done sooner rather than later and he’s still dragging his heels. She’s been with him longer than I have with my partner, which adds to the tension.

But now I feel like I have to wait until she gets proposed to before I can take action myself – I’m worried she’ll get offended because I knew about her plans and think that I’m stealing her thunder or trying to upstage her.

What should I do? Can I propose before she gets proposed to?

Thanks,

Max

Do you have a wedding problem you need advice on?

Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.

If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.

Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.

Dear Max,

It is wonderful that you are ready to take the next step in your relationship, but it is also clear how much you care about your sister and her feelings.  

But, while your sister’s engagement is important, you must remember that your proposal is about you and your partner. It is a significant moment special to your relationship and should not be overshadowed by external factors.  

There are no hard and fast rules about when someone should propose, and whether someone has been in a relationship longer than you does not mean you have to put your life on hold to wait for them to get engaged.  

When you are ready to take the next step, it should be a natural phase in moving your relationship forward.

There are ways you can consider your sister’s feelings without letting them dictate your proposal.

Alison in a colourful scarf, leaning over her patio fence and smiling
Life’s special moments do not always align perfectly, but that is fine (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)

One approach could be to have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how much you care about her and understand her timeline, but you are ready to propose to your partner.

Explain that your intentions are not to upstage her but to share your happiness in your own time and that you are ready to move your relationship forward.

You might be surprised – she may be more supportive than you expect. If she is aware of your plans, this could also relieve any potential tension or misunderstanding.   

If your sister is still sensitive about her timeline, give her a little space without waiting indefinitely – just long enough to show her you are considerate without compromising your plans.

Are you thinking about proposing to your partner? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

Alternatively, you could ask her partner if he plans to propose soon or has decided to delay. Let him know about your plans and that he might want to consider moving his proposal forward.

Chatting with your parents, close family members or friends may be worth doing to get a second opinion. Someone who knows you both well and has seen your relationship develop.    

Your parents might also know more about your sister’s forthcoming proposal!

Ultimately, though, you and your partner’s happiness comes first. 

As I mentioned earlier, there is no rule that says you have to wait to propose because your sister is in a longer relationship and wants to be engaged.

Life’s special moments do not always align perfectly, but that is fine. Propose when you feel it is suitable for you and your partner. 

The people who love you, including your sister, will be thrilled for you.

Wishing you all the best with your planned proposal.

Best wishes

Alison

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