An illustration of a bride and groom with family around them - the mother in law is wearing a white dress
She showed me what outfit she has planned. And that’s when it happened (Picture: robuart/Getty)

Dear Alison, 

I’m getting married next week and everything seems to be going to plan. Well, it seemed to be going to plan until this past weekend.

During a couple of days spent with my soon-to-be in-laws, my partner’s mum – who I am close to – took me aside and asked if there was anything of hers I would like to borrow as my something ‘borrowed’. It was really sweet and we found a necklace of hers which will be perfect. 

Afterwards, she asked me what my mum would be wearing and then showed me what outfit she has planned. And that’s when it happened. A white dress. 

Given, it’s very obviously not a bridal gown. It’s a tailored midi dress, which she plans on pairing with pink heels and a matching fascinator. No one will think she’s the bride, but that’s not really the point. 

She asked me what I thought and, in shock, I said it was lovely – but I’m not sure what to think. 

To be honest I think I’m OK with it in theory, but I know my friends and family will make comments and I think it will look weird in the photos.

My partner doesn’t really understand why this is so taboo but is willing to take my side if I want to say something – but I do feel incredibly awkward. 

What do I do?

Thanks,

Sharon

Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?

Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.

If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.

Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.

Dear Sharon

Congratulations on your wedding next week! It is such an exciting time, and I am glad to hear that most things are going to plan. 

Your concern about your soon-to-be mother-in-law’s outfit choice is valid.

It is expected to feel a mix of emotions leading up to your big day, so take a moment to collect your thoughts.

Reflect on your feelings and take a moment to really consider why the white dress is problematic.

Are you more concerned about your mother-in-law upstaging you by wearing white, or is it the potential comments from guests and how it might look in photographs? Understanding the root of your discomfort will help you communicate your feelings more clearly. 

Is your wedding more traditional, where you follow etiquette, or less informal, where you don’t follow any rules?

If you are having a traditional wedding, there is no doubt that it is expected that the bride would be the only person wearing white. 

Alison Rios McCrone leaning on a verandah rail, smiling at the camera
Remember, this day is about celebrating the love between you and your partner, says Alison (Picture: AKP Branding)

But, if you don’t want something too traditional, you can choose to break tradition or inform guests that they are welcome to wear white. 

You mention that you said you were okay with your future mother-in-law’s choice of dress, so it may feel like you can’t go back on what you said.

But, having a private conversation with your future mother-in-law might be a good idea. You can start by expressing your gratitude for her support and sweet gesture of lending you her necklace. 

Then, gently bring up your concern and discuss the dress she plans to wear. Explain that you know it is not a bridal gown, but let her know how you feel – whether you’re worried about what others may say, or that you want a traditional wedding, where only the bride wears white.

Since your partner is willing to support you, involve them in the conversation – their presence might help convey that it is a joint concern, not just a bridal worry. 

What would you do in Sharon’s situation? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

Discuss with your partner beforehand how they can best support you in this conversation, whether by initiating the topic, providing additional context, or backing you up if the conversation becomes difficult.

If your mother-in-law is attached to the dress, suggest adding a colourful accessory like a wrap, shawl, or jacket. You could even suggest a statement piece of jewellery to differentiate her look from a traditional bridal appearance.

But remember, this day is about celebrating the love between you and your partner. 

While traditions and guest perceptions are important, your comfort and happiness should take priority. You have the power to shape your wedding day as you like.

Approach the situation with kindness and an open heart, and you will find a solution that works for everyone. There’s always a way to balance everyone’s feelings and preferences.

Wishing you all the best for your big day and a lifetime of happiness!

Best wishes

Alison

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

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