A vegan cake
I really want to throw a fully vegan wedding as it’s in line with my values (Picture: Getty)

Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.

Dear Alison,

I’ve been a vegan for six years now – I don’t need to clarify why. It makes me happy, and it’s my decision – it’s also mine and my fiance’s decision to want to host a fully plant-based wedding this summer.

Like I respect my friend and family’s decision to still eat meat, I’d expect them to respect my decision to throw a fully vegan wedding.

Except, my mum isn’t happy about it at all and wants to eat meat on my big day. She said she doesn’t like vegan food, and wants there to be options for those who aren’t plant-based.

Usually, I would have laughed it off and told her where to go (like I have done many times over the years when we’ve clashed about veganism), except she’s contributing a hefty portion of cash to make sure our big day happens.

Any advice? I really want to throw a fully vegan wedding as it’s in line with my values, but I don’t want my mum to pull out of helping us fund the wedding, or worse – not come.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Natalia

Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?

Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.

If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.

Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.

Dear Natalia,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It is lovely to hear that you and your fiancé are committed to hosting a day that reflects your values and lifestyle.

It is only natural to want to celebrate one of the most important days of your life in a way that aligns with your beliefs.

However, family dynamics – and especially financial contributions towards the wedding from family members – can complicate matters.

Here are some points to consider.

Start by having an open and heartfelt conversation with your mum. Express how much it means to you to have a fully vegan wedding and explain why it is essential for you to share your values with your guests on your special day.

Explain that having her there to celebrate with you is invaluable, and you hope she can respect your decision.

Allow her to respond with her views, and consider her reasons for feeling strongly about offering meat options at your wedding.

Try to find a compromise honouring your vegan values while acknowledging your mum’s concerns. For instance, you could offer a variety of delicious and satisfying vegan dishes that even non-vegans would enjoy.

Sometimes, the issue is not the lack of meat itself but rather unfamiliarity with vegan cuisine. Some may worry that vegan food is tasteless or (worse, in the case of a wedding), insubstantial.

So it is essential to emphasise the pros of the food to your mum, and to consider choosing a filling and flavoursome menu that will impress everyone.

Alison sitting on garden steps, wearing a leather jacket and colourful scarf
Focus on bold flavours and textures to make the meal memorable and enjoyable for everyone (Picture: AKP Branding)

For example, consider incorporating protein-rich options like legumes, nuts, and tofu, and look to products that can mimic the taste of non-vegan food, like nutritional yeast – famous for its cheesy, nutty flavour.

Focus on bold flavours and textures to make the meal memorable and enjoyable for everyone.

I would also advise working with your caterer to ensure that the dishes are filling and satisfying. Ask their advice on plant-based foods and ingredients that are sure to be a hit; they will likely have plenty of suggestions.

You could also emphasise the health benefits and environmental impact of a plant-based diet to your mum.

Finally, consider arranging a tasting session with your caterer for your mum to see how delightful vegan food can be – or you could even take her to a restaurant that specialises in plant-based cuisine.

If your mum agrees to the plant-based menu, it’s worth remembering that, although you are vegan and wish to host your wedding accordingly, some guests may feel unhappy with this choice.

I’ve hosted weddings in the past where meat-eating guests have not been impressed there is no meat on the menu. 

It is essential to acknowledge that, just as you respect their decision to eat meat, they should respect your decision for your wedding – but, if you were to attend a non-vegan wedding, you would presumably not be given meat.

Would you be happy with a vegan menu? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

With that in mind, if you and your mum agree to offer a full vegan wedding, I think it would be important to inform your guests before the wedding day – and it would be worth emphasising the delicious, filling food (and even its health and environmental benefits) when you do.

If your mum remains unconvinced, discuss the financial part of your wedding with her.

If her monetary contribution is conditional on having a non-vegan option, you might need to reassess your budget. Explore other funding options or consider scaling back certain aspects of the wedding to ensure it aligns with your values and what you consider essential.

In this instance, you need to clarify: If she is so opposed to a complete vegan meal at your wedding, would this jeopardise her attendance?

If her answer is ‘yes’, could you compromise by having vegan canapés and making some parts of the wedding meal vegan?

Ultimately, weddings are about celebrating love, commitment, and unity. Her presence and support mean more to you than anything else.

Understand that change can be challenging for some people, especially regarding their dietary habits. Be patient and respectful, and I hope you and your mum can find some agreement or middle ground.

At the end of the day, your wedding day should reflect who you are and what you believe. It is about celebrating your love and commitment to your partner, surrounded by the people who support and cherish you.

I hope you and your mum can find a solution that makes your wedding day as unique as you have always dreamed of.

Best wishes

Alison

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : I had one strict rule at my wedding and my sister-in-law broke it

MORE : I just want to buy a Father’s Day card that isn’t about beer and BBQs

MORE : A random blood test revealed something sinister and changed my life