I was feeling burnt out as a carer until I put on my trainers

The sun was out as the wind blew against my face and the crowds called out my name – and my 76-year-old dad’s.

We were running the London Marathon just a few weeks ago and – by the time we’d crossed the finish line together – we were ecstatic, but emotional.

We did it for my mum, who is 73 and has myeloma – a type of blood cancer. 

She was at the finish line and I couldn’t wait to give her the medal and a big hug! With my last bit of energy, I ran over to her and put the medal round her neck. Her face lit up. 

It was a beautiful moment – and she knew exactly how I felt, as Mum completed the London Marathon herself in May 2023.

A month after her race, Mum started complaining about aches in her bones, breathlessness, lower back pain and severe fatigue and weakness.

We assumed the pain was muscular from running, then related to her heart as she had high blood pressure. 

We visited the doctor who agreed it was probably muscular and old age, though he still sent Mum for blood tests, scans and an ultrasound.

After three misdiagnoses, she was finally told she had myeloma, five months after her first appointment. 

The news was heartbreaking – cancer hadn’t been on our minds. Mum cried but I knew I had to be strong, and not show her I was upset.

In the aftermath of her diagnosis, Mum felt more tired. She wasn’t able to vacuum or iron; she couldn’t walk properly due to pain; she couldn’t concentrate on everyday tasks and she couldn’t make Indian tea or cook – she was too weak to lift saucepans.

I’ve always lived with my parents but now I had to help my mum with little things, like getting out of bed, going downstairs, or even picking things up. 

I had to do a lot more around the house, as well as food shopping, cooking and organising finances – everything was on me except the vacuuming, where my dad stepped in!

My life completely changed. I couldn’t do full-time work as a journalist, or even catch up with friends.

Most catastrophically for me, I couldn’t go running.

I took up running three years ago in my 40s, but I didn’t fully realise how immeasurably it had improved my physical and mental health until Mum’s illness forced me to stop.

I noticed it decreased the migraines I’d been getting – particularly from the stress of job hunting, which is especially hard as I changed my career to pursue journalism. 

Running enabled me to keep a bit of weight off and to clear my head and think clearly about how to do things calmly, rather than feeling anxious. 

I am single and want to meet a partner and make friends, and running at parkrun in particular was a great place to meet new people.

I felt safe, supported and cared for by fellow runners; everyone was so kind, loving and positive. 

But making sacrifices for Mum meant that my life essentially came to a standstill.

Of course, I love her immensely so she was my priority – but within a week of dealing with the unknowns of Mum’s illness on top of essentially becoming her full-time carer, I felt so overwhelmed.

I was exhausted and so weak – really barely coping at all – and the anxiety and migraines returned. 

In February this year, just a few months on from Mum’s diagnosis, I noticed my friends posting about doing parkrun and realised how much I missed doing the course with them.

I bumped into one of those friends, Neha, this past March when I went to walk at a parkrun with Mum. 

After finishing her run, she came over and said to me, ‘let me know when you’re ready to start running and we can run together. I can help you get a parkrun time that’s under 30 minutes’.

She also told me that she was really inspired by me and how I care for my mum and my dad. She was so warm and just wanted to help me; people pay for personal trainers but she just wanted to support me to find an outlet where I am not on my own and where she could train me to go faster if I wanted. 

Her encouragement left me feeling how I did when I first started running. She got me excited about getting back in it.

I also realised that it was OK to prioritise myself, as long as there was a care plan in place for Mum. I didn’t have to be around 24/7 – I could loosen the reins a bit and go for a run while Mum was napping, or while Dad was sitting on the couch with her.

My first run back, in April, was so hard, but it was just like riding a bike. I felt lighter, my mind was clearer and I was happier. I just felt free.

I used to run a 5K in 29 minutes, and though this one was about 33 minutes, I didn’t care because I had got my spark back.

Ever since, I stick my trainers on and go for a run – when I’m sure Mum is properly looked after, of course.

Often there’s no plan when I leave the house, it’s just ad hoc and for fun. I like to run at least three times a week and I try to aim for five to 10K each time.

Before I go out for a run, I often have so many negative thoughts about my mum’s health that I am full of worry. But once I’m in the moment, I feel my head’s lighter and my mood is improved.

Back at home – even if there are challenging care demands like checking in on my mum during the night, massaging her swollen feet and legs and managing her side effects – I feel I have recharged my batteries so I am feeling less stressed about doing them. If I can care for myself, I can care better for my mum.

I’ve kept going to parkrun, too. Last week, I finished in 30 minutes without pushing myself; my friend Richard bought me a coffee and introduced me to his friends – it was just lovely.

Parkrun has become a part of me and it’s a truly wonderful place to meet like minded people who understand that everyone is going through something. I am so grateful to have found it.

If you are caring for someone, please, find the time to do some form of exercise. Whether it’s a jog, walk or run, you will feel a world of difference.

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