Welcome back to How I Parent, where we look at how the nation is raising their kids.
This week entrepreneur and author Leila Green, 40, from Bromley, tells Metro.co.uk how she follows one particular rule when it comes to parenting her her 21-month-old triplets: she doesn’t let them have any screen time.
The mum-of-three suffered two devastating miscarriages before spontaneously falling pregnant with triplets in 2021. Her babies, identical twin boys and another boy, are so rare that doctors have called them ‘miracles’.
Leila tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I had always wanted to be a mum and even after the miscarriages, when I was feeling physically and emotionally broken, I was sure my children were coming, I just had to keep trying.’
Leila stayed hopeful, and soon, she was pregnant again. Doctors told her and husband, James, that they were likely expecting twins.
‘On the day of our scan, I had to go into the ultrasound by myself because my husband, James, had Covid,’ she explains.
‘He waited in the car and as I watched the sonographer study the screen, I knew something was up. She called the consultant over, who looked at the screen before turning it round to show me.
‘I was paralysed with shock when she said: “We have heartbeats, but there are three”. When I got into the car, I told James the scan was okay, but we needed to have a chat. Then I told him there were three babies.
‘He was amazed, but worried. The pregnancy was risky and things had always gone wrong for us before.’
Thankfully, Leila’s pregnancy progressed well. Her triplets, Rafa, Frankie and Jerry arrived via a planned caesarean section at 33 weeks and five days in July 2022, weighing around 3.5lbs each. After four weeks in hospital, they all arrived home.
Leila says, ‘It was amazing having them together, but it was so physically and mentally exhausting. They were having 24 feeds over 24 hours and I constantly worried about dropping them or giving the wrong medication.
‘We didn’t know whether it was day or night – whenever I’d get one down to sleep, another would start crying, it was soul-destroying.
‘I was so tired I couldn’t even make a cup of tea, so we decided to drop everything which wasn’t absolutely critical, I even stopped cleaning my teeth some days because if I did have a moment to myself, I wanted to sit down and close my eyes.
Leila says she quickly learnt a hard lesson: ‘I realised I couldn’t do it all and that was okay,’ she says.
‘I got better at asking for and accepting help. My hairdresser even offered to make my dinner one day and I accepted.’
While many offered support, Leila says she unhelpful comments from other parents.
‘They wouldn’t think twice about telling me triplets are their “worst nightmare”,’ she says.
Now, the boys are almost two, and are ‘happy, active and engaging’ and, while Leila could be forgiven for relying on tablets and screens for a few minutes of peace, the triplets don’t watch any television.
Leila says, ‘We tried baby television when they were very small, but we found it left them overstimulated – the noise and colours were all too much and made them cry and ratty, and didn’t solve any problems.
‘Then one day James put the tennis on the television and the boys watched it with him. The next day I was horrified to see them all in their bouncers, expectantly staring at the blank black screen.
‘I knew then that enough was enough.’
Now, Leila has her own methods of keeping her boys entertained.
‘If I need to distract them, they will play with toys, musical instruments or small books. I know as they grow up they will want to watch what their friends are watching and they’ll want phones too, but I want to put it off as long as possible.’
The boys do have some TV related toys – but these are also limited. ‘They have a Peppa Pig bus that a neighbour passed on to us, but they just think it’s a bus and sing wheels on the bus – I wouldn’t buy them anything,’ she explains.
As a result of avoiding screen time, Leila believes her children are becoming more imaginative and independent.
‘I think screen times could kill their curiosity, imagination and sense of play – my kids can find fun in any setting or object (even really mundane household objects).
‘I don’t want to raise them to be dependent on screens for placation, instant gratification to be the go-to to alleviate boredom.
‘The effects of screen time on child development have been well documented and my boys were so premature that we’ve had to work hard to “catch up” developmentally.’
Even in circumstances where most parents may pull out an iPad, Leila has been consistent.
‘If we go out for meals I wouldn’t give them my phone to entertain them, instead I want them to take in how adults talk to each other and share food at meals,’ she says.
She also asks any babysitters not to put her children in front of screens.
Leila is keen to point out that she doesn’t judge other parents who turn to a screen-shaped babysitter, and she is aware that in the future, screens may be useful for her children.
‘I know this will make me an outlier, and I would never judge another family for doing what they need to do, but it’s what works for us.
‘I would like to hold out for as long as possible on screens but I am realistic.
‘I could imagine letting them watch small amounts when they were around three or four, as they would be able to follow a storyline then.
‘But I would still limit it, and not use it as the easy option to keep them quiet and occupied, or as a reward mechanism or when we are out.
‘I also want to avoid arguments if they like different programs!’
Leila shares her journey with her triplets on her Instagram account, @triplet_supermama. She’s particularly passionate about encouraging parents to do away with ‘mum-guilt’, which she calls ‘a toxic bully’, likening the mental abuse many women direct inwards to an abusive relationship.
She says, ‘At first I felt I only met a third of each boy’s needs, at best. But soon I realised that was just what I was telling myself.
‘Now, I’m developing a community based on acceptance, priorities, compassion and intuition- to help other mums end their ‘mum guilt’ for good.
‘I want mums to realise we need to support each other and there is no such thing as the perfection projected on social media, instead each mum should be making the choices which feel right for her.
‘I hope I am an example of hope after miscarriage and help for other mums starting their own triplet journey- and an example of how mum guilt should never drag you down.’
Click here for information on Leila’s next free online event, ‘Break Up With Mum Guilt’ on 11 April.
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