Grandparents praised for refusing to babysit daughter’s newborn for free

Alice GiddingsPublished Jul 10, 2023, 10:21am|Updated Jul 10, 2023, 11:50am

Should grandparents be compensated for childcare? (Picture: Getty Images)

Childcare doesn’t come cheap, but the grandparents aren’t always able – or willing – to pick up the slack for free.

Costs in the UK have risen by nearly 6% in just one year, according to recent research, with the price of a nursery place for a toddler under two costing nearly £15,000 per year.

The US seems pretty pricey too, with the cost of putting a child in nursery taking 32% of a single parent’s average wages.

It’s stressful for everyone. But one couple, who are new parents, have divided Reddit after complaining about the grandparents demanding money for babysitting while they’re at work.

Sharing his story on the discussion site, the new dad wrote: ‘Before we decided to have kids, we moved out into our own house shortly after we got married.

‘We took everything into consideration: community, area, school district, but most importantly… location. Not just distance to work or local shopping areas, but more importantly, the distance to my wife’s parents, as we knew later on, we would have them babysit as they were the closest grandparents.

‘My parents live 3-4 hours away, which was not really ideal for daily babysitting.’

The mother-in-law had said she was excited to be a full time carer (Picture: Getty Images)

The dad added that his mother-in-law, 67, was due to retire the year he and his wife were expecting their baby ‘so it all worked out,’ but his father-in-law, 67, had some terms and conditions when it came to childcare.

‘Growing up, my wife always talked about how he [her dad] liked to have financial responsibility and security,’ he wrote.

‘So he was very financial savvy with her. But he never really shared how much he makes or made, or how much he has. He never liked the idea of “free handouts”, but he would help her in her financial needs.

‘Like paying part of her college tuition, buying her a car as long as she takes care of insurance, gas, etc., Which is a good mindset to which we agree with.

‘He has spoken to me about his retirement funds (somewhere in the couple millions range), and how much he makes (somewhere in the $150k per year range) so I know he doesn’t need money.

‘My wife knows he doesn’t need money, but doesn’t know how much he has.’

The new dad also said that whenever he and his wife mentioned babysitting, his wife’s parents ‘loved the idea’ because they would get to see their grandchild every day.

But as maternity and paternity leave came to an end, his wife’s father began talking about payment.

The father-in-law compared childcare costs and came up with a rate (Picture: Getty Images)

He wrote: ‘I was going back to work, my wife had another month left, and her dad started talking about paying them for babysitting.

‘Seeing as he wasn’t fond of the free babysitting, he started to compare pricing of daycares in today’s market and how much he would start charging us weekly.

‘After his research, he surmised his amount to $400 [£312] per week for babysitting and $100 [£78] for weekends and we were shocked.

‘We thought to ourselves, at that rate we might as well just take our baby to a daycare, and not have to drive back and forth.’

The new dad claimed he and his wife were planning on paying them and that everything would be provided, but when they began asking for the money he got upset at the price and the demand for payment.

He added: ‘It’s not like my wife and I were well off either, we make enough to live comfortably.

‘So it became a huge discussion between us to the point where we almost decided that they weren’t going to see their grandchild unless we decide to see them on the weekends.’

But the internet certainly wasn’t sympathetic to the new father’s dilemma with many of the 2,000 plus comments claiming he and his wife’s situation is ‘reeking of entitlement’.

One Reddit user commented: ‘You’re the a**hole. But not for the reason you think.

‘You are focused on money, ignoring that the more precious resource is time. When you have been parents for 20 years, you will understand this better.

‘Grandchildren are better than children. Why? BECAUSE THEY GO HOME. Your in-laws have done the whole married with children thing, the young’ns are all launched.

‘They have the house to themselves again. And I’m sure they are enjoying it. Oh, but wait. Kiddo wants to pawn off her kiddo on us and take us back to our hectic parenting days again? OH HECK NO.

‘You say they were excited about baby-sitting. But I suspect that excitement was before they realized it would be a full-time job.

‘Now they are trying to find a graceful way to back out or limit it. Thus, the $400 a week is not about money. It is encouraging you to find a different arrangement.

The grandparents will only see their grandchild on the weekends (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

‘This should go without saying but you are also YTA for assuming grandparents would volunteer for daycare duty (paid or otherwise) just because they are the grandparents.’

The comment received 9,900 upvotes while another user wrote: ‘I don’t know why you expected them to do it for whatever piddly amount you were “planning” on paying. $400 a week for newborn care is a bargain where I am.’

But not everyone sided with the majority, some said they couldn’t imagine grandparents asking for money to look after their grandchild.

One wrote: ‘This must be a cultural thing, but for me – not the a**hole. In my country (EU) it would be unthinkable for grandparents to ask money for babysitting.

‘My parents told me up front they feel too old and don’t have the energy to chase a toddler full time, and that is totally fine.

‘They see him often and jump in sometimes when he’s sick or for date night. But they would never ask the commercial rate to look after their own grandchild.

‘Most grandparents here do look after their grandchildren for free, usually all summer long on school breaks and when they are too young for day care.

‘It is thought of as a perk and privilege. I spent all summer with my grandparents, those are treasured memories for both sides and I was always very close with them.

‘Now my 90-year-old widowed grandmother lives with us and we all help care for her.

‘It’s not using each other and entitlement, it’s family bonds and multigenerational closeness. It is investing in the future generations and your own immortality in a way.’

Another agreed commenting: ‘I don’t get grandparents that don’t want to spend time watching their grandkids. This has never made sense to me.’