As I walked through the door, I burst into tears and picked up my phone.
‘I’m so sorry to call you so late,’ I sobbed when my best friend Steven’s face appeared on my screen. ‘But my boyfriend’s just broken up with me.’
His face immediately crinkled up in concern. ‘Don’t be silly,’ he assured me. ‘You know I’m always here for you.’
And for the first time in my life, I did know that. Because, after 22 years of not having a best friend – now, I finally had one.
Throughout my life, I had several friends who I thought were going to be by my side forever.
The first was in primary school. We played together at break time and went round to each other’s houses after school. But then, one night, completely out of the blue, they hit me.
Hurt, both physically and emotionally, that was the end of that friendship.
Then, in secondary school, I met my second ‘best friend’.
We met on the first day and bonded over the fact that we liked the same band, R5. We both loved going to concerts, watching the same creators on YouTube and eating out.
We laughed, sat next to each other in all of our classes and spent our weekends together. I felt like we could tell each other anything and that she was someone who was going to stick around forever. I was wrong.
Everything seemed to be going well, until suddenly, in our final year, she started hanging out with a new group. She found a new seat next to them I was phased out. It began to feel like I was invisible.
To this day, I still don’t know what caused this shift. I didn’t ask her directly because I thought it would hurt more.
I started to think that maybe best friends don’t exist.
Although I had acquaintances or people I would sometimes sit with at lunch in secondary school, I never felt truly connected to them. I felt that they sat with me out of pity.
I often wondered why this was, as I was kind to everyone (even if they weren’t to me), was always helpful if they needed me, and had fun interests.
We never hung out after school and I only received a text from them if they had a question about the homework since I was one of the top students in the class.
This pattern made me think that this was how people were, that nobody truly cared about forming connections with each other and that everyone only used people as it was convenient for them – and that hurt.
Ever since gaining a real BFF, I know I have someone who will always be there
Steven changed all of that. When I met him at university, things felt different.
He was in one of my sister’s classes. She introduced me to him when he joined us for lunch one day.
Although he was technically my sister’s friend first, he didn’t let that impact how he viewed me. He was very transparent and open from the beginning of our friendship. He was sure of himself and made it easy for me to trust him.
After that initial meeting with Steven during my sophomore year of university, we hung out almost every weekend. We would either go to a concert, a new restaurant in town, or to each other’s places for a game night.
Whatever we did together, we both wanted to be there and I didn’t feel like a pawn for someone else’s gain. He feels more like family to me than a friend, which is something I never thought I’d experience.
We have been best friends for about two years now. I have never once felt as though I have to be someone else around him. He is always there for me no matter what and vice versa.
Even after I moved to Florida late last year and he stayed back home in New York, we still text daily, and FaceTime regularly.
We go back and forth to visit each other every other month or so and do the same things we’ve always done.
I have never questioned whether or not I think we will remain friends. We tell each other often how much we appreciate one another. Even though we do not share every same interest, we respect and help each other.
When I took a public speaking course in college, Steven routinely stayed up for hours with me so I could present to him. He was a rhetoric major, so he provided me with pointers that I could use to improve my upcoming speeches.
And since I am a good listener and someone who likes to help people think through big decisions, I have spent hours on the phone with him weighing the pros and cons regarding the next big step in his life, which involves furthering his education.
Of course, being so far apart and not meeting up in real life can cause problems but we’ve found ways to make it work. We’re willing to talk things out and set boundaries for the friendship to make it work for us. If I phone him and he’s busy with family, he always tells me a time to call back that works for both of us. And vice versa.
Ever since gaining a real BFF, I know I have someone who will always be there. I have come to learn that I was never the problem and that there are people who will want to be friends with me without an ulterior motive.
I think popular culture has skewed people’s perceptions of friendship. The instant gratification from social media and technology has caused people to become lazier in their relationships and quit at the first sign of difficulty.
When I’ve tried making friends with people and we’ve texted, I’ve run into an issue where, if I don’t text them back right away, they think I am mad at them or that I don’t want to be friends anymore – when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
So I am extremely grateful for Steven and the friendship I have with him. Even when we have had our rough patches or times when we haven’t communicated a lot because we’ve become busy or whatever the reason is, we’ve both taken accountability and agree that we need to sometimes have tough conversations to move forward, especially when at a distance.
I’ve learned that just because people follow different paths in life doesn’t mean that you have to stop being friends with someone as long as you both have open lines of communication and put in the work.
Although we are currently thousands of miles away from each other, we still make it work. Like real best friends do.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE : Dear Chelcee Grimes: Why is my best friend guilt-tripping me over a one-night stand?
MORE : Asking For A Friend: Is it okay to decline my boss’ friend request?
MORE : Eva Longoria still has ‘sleepovers’ with Victoria Beckham as she spills beans on friendship
Sign up to our guide to what’s on in London, trusted reviews, brilliant offers and competitions. London’s best bits in your inbox
Share this with