A woman has complained of being forced to do the lion’s share of childcare and housework in her marriage, claiming ‘all women’ she knows are in the same boat.
The frustrated wife started a Mumsnet thread in which she shared that she believes the majority of men are ‘useless’ with their family and domestic space.
She believes the options, if she did leave her unhappy marriage, would be equally dire.
She wrote: ‘I’ve posted here so many times about my issues with my H [husband] and my lifestyle with small kids.
‘I always get told I need to divorce. I get told that there are other men out there who aren’t as useless with their children.
‘In real life, every woman I know faces something similar. Mainly responsible for everything to do with kids and house, works full time most of the time too.
‘Husband works hard, but doesn’t contribute to looking after the kids or household. Complains of not enough sex.’
She went on to say the women she knows in this situation are all ‘highly educated and in successful careers,’ but feel royally ‘stitched up’ about their private lives.
‘We were told if we study hard and are in successful careers, we wouldn’t end up being slaves to our husbands and children,’ she said.
The punchy post quickly gained hundreds of comments from women, some of whom agreed with the disgruntled mum.
‘I feel you,’ one commented said. ‘I look at these amazing women and the men are mediocre. It’s depressing as f***.’
Others disagreed however, and said this wasn’t the experience of their friends.
‘I’m sorry you are in this situation, but not all women have men like this,’ one said.
Another added: ‘This is not the case with the women I know,’ one said. ‘I would say it is maybe one husband of 10 who is as you describe.
‘Mind you the women I know are all the higher earners with men who value them and their work.’
Of course, men outside of this generalisation do exist – but dads are still praised for doing the school run and other everyday duties we normally attribute to mums.
Dave Hornby, a stay-at-home dad, told Metro.co.uk: ‘I see it time and time again: mums are frequently belittled at every opportunity when it comes to child-rearing, whereas dads are placed on a pedestal for doing the things they should be doing.’
So, even when men are pulling their weight with home chores, it’s still not generally seen as the norm.
A survey from 2019 led by professor Anne McMunn from UCL found that women do more housework than men in 93% of British households – so these concerns, though not felt by everyone, are valid.
And as one mum pointed out, it’s not always about physical tasks: ‘Even the women I know with “good” husbands carry all the mental load’.
Hard relate? Improving your communication is the first step in addressing any imbalances.
How to communicate better in a relationship
Dr Audrey Tang says: ‘A great set of prompts come from Rosalind Wiseman’s book Queen Bees and Wannabees and she reminds us to SEAL when it comes to emotional conversations:
S – Strategise – take a step back and decide what it is you want out of the situation
E – Explain (as it says! – but this can also include explanations such as “I need to talk about how I’ve been feeling and see what we can do to change it” or “It wouldn’t be fair for me to let you assume x when I meant y”)
A – Affirm – be clear on what action you are going to take or want to take
L – Lock in or out – this is knowing whether you want the relationship to continue and on what basis.’
Do you find a happy medium with your partner?
Let us know how in the comments below.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
MORE : ‘It gives me peace of mind!’ – how one mum is staying on top of her finances, and how you can too
Sign up to our guide to what’s on in London, trusted reviews, brilliant offers and competitions. London’s best bits in your inbox
Share this with