My heart went out to Jessie J as I read her post on giving birth.
She described, on Instagram, alongside a pretty incredible video of her shaking her booty and her gorgeous bump, how she had spent her whole pregnancy preparing for a natural birth, with a strict diet, no plans for an epidural, yoga, swimming and ‘hypnobirthing methods’.
Yet, because he was breech, she was advised the safest option was to have a planned c-section, something she went ahead with.
But it was her last words that really struck me.
‘I guess I’m sharing this because so many people have said “Do you feel like you missed out on the birth you wanted?” I had a birth and it was everything I wanted because I got him at the end of it, that’s all that matters.’
Every expectant mother out there is lectured on the importance of a natural delivery – and believe me, that’s what so many of us want, too. We all know it seems preferable to give birth to plinky-plunky music in a warm pool, rather than to be hooked up to drips or undergo major surgery.
But for some of us – like for Jessie J and, indeed, for me – that wasn’t a choice. At the time, it can be crushing but, as the 35-year-old singer pointed out, we have to remember that the whole point of giving birth isn’t the birth itself.
It’s a process to help our baby arrive in the world as safely as possible – and sometimes that does mean changing things at the last minute.
I remember going to an ‘Early Pregnancy Evening’ down at our local hospital when I was just nine weeks pregnant and nodding enthusiastically as one of the midwives there explained all of the better outcomes that you and your baby would have if you gave birth either at home or in the birthing suite.
I’d always loved being in water and relaxing in the bath, so the birth pool – located reassuringly just along the corridor from the labour ward – wasn’t something I needed to be talked into.
My husband Tom and I signed up to a hypnobirthing course, went along, with another two couples, to a lady’s house to learn how to ‘breathe our baby out’ and I informed my midwife that I was opting for a water birth with as little medical intervention as possible.
Then, however, at about 22 weeks pregnant, I started having seizures. Four of them, within six weeks. Not quite as scary as it sounds, as I was asleep during them, but it definitely gave Tom a fright.
And my midwife.
‘So now you’ll have to start off your labour in the labour ward,’ she told me abruptly at our next appointment when she read my notes. ‘We can’t risk you having a seizure in the water. They will probably want to give you an epidural when you first go into labour as well.’
I cannot explain to you how devastated I was. I felt like I’d failed at motherhood already – and my baby wasn’t even born. I went home and sobbed.
It took me weeks to come to terms with my epilepsy diagnosis and the impact it was having on both me and my baby.
In fact, it wasn’t until I actually went into hospital at 41 weeks to be induced that I finally wrapped my head around it.
After 26 hours of continuous contractions, I eventually gave in and had an epidural. I can’t deny, the thought of the exceptionally long needle was pretty terrifying but, after being in a fog of pain for so long, I was delighted for it all to clear away almost instantly.
I could still wiggle my feet and feel everything, but the constant agony that had been ripping through my stomach was completely gone. I felt like myself again.
‘I wish I’d had this hours ago,’ I told the midwife happily.
And even when, four hours later, Theo’s heartbeat started to falter and I was rushed in for an emergency c-section, it didn’t bother me the way that I thought it might.
Because by that point, I knew, like Jessie J, it didn’t matter which way my baby came into the world, as long as he arrived safely.
I did have a brief moment of panic when I was in theatre and it hit me that the surgeons were going to operate on me while I was awake, but in that very second, I heard my little baby give a big sigh. And he was here.
I can honestly say that I’ve never regretted a single second of his birth – the minute he was handed to me, I looked at Tom and told him, ‘We have to do this again, as soon as we can.’
The rush of love I felt as I held him to me wiped away everything that led to that moment.
We forget how dangerous giving birth is, that it is a huge process for your body to go through and that things can, quite easily, go wrong. That’s why so many women over history have died in childbirth – and why we’re so lucky that nowadays doctors can intervene when it is best for both the mum and baby.
So if you’re pregnant, or planning to give birth, I know it’s hard but try not to get too hung up on your birth plan and what your dream labour will look like. Because that can all change in a moment.
Take it from Jessie J – and me – it’s the baby, not the birth, that counts.
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MORE : Jessie J gives frank update on her birth and how it didn’t go as planned
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