How to know when it’s time to quit your job for the sake of your mental health

Jesy Nelson has made a powerful statement in quitting Little Mix after nine years: it’s okay to prioritise your mental wellbeing over a job, even if it has always felt like your dream career.

Among all the applause for her decision, many of us may be relating to Jesy’s statement.

No, we’re not all experiencing the pressure of being in a mega successful girl band.

But there are many whose jobs are wrecking their mental health, who may now be wondering if they should follow in Jesy’s footsteps and let go of work that isn’t bringing them happiness.

The decision to leave a job for the sake of your mental health is a massive one, that comes with the weight of shame and guilt.

It’s easy to dismiss your concerns as ‘not that bad’ or to tell yourself you’re being ‘weak’ for being unable to cope with a job. In the pandemic, it can feel like there’s extra judgement in leaving a job – after all, there are many who have been made redundant and lost earnings; there’s pressure to be grateful you even have an income.

So how do you know when it’s time to quit? And how do you go about stepping away from a workplace that’s become toxic? We chatted with the experts to find out.

Signs your job isn’t good for your mental health

Let’s put it simply: If you’re having more terrible days than good ones, that’s a sign there’s a serious issue.

The same goes for dreading each day or feeling utterly and completely drained every evening.

Counselling Directory member Dee Johnson tells Metro.co.uk that as work-related chronic stress builds, you’ll notice the emergence of issues in your home life, too.

‘Low mood, feeling lost and unhappy, or even fearful and stressed,’ Dee lists as some of the signs your job is harming your mental state. ‘It’s also physical , being irritated, low tolerance and having lots of seemingly minor health issues, such as upset tummy, colds, etc and having that physical sinking, sick feeling in your gut when even thinking about work.’

A job that’s bad for your mind isn’t just felt when you’re actually in the office – it soon seeps into every part of your life, whether in the form of feeling immense anxiety when checking your emails, finding yourself unable to sleep because you’re thinking about the day ahead, or, on the flip side, feeling miserable at home and putting every part of your energy into your work.

‘A toxic workplace is something that you often only notice gradually,’ says Beverley Blackman. ‘Often the ways in which it shows up are many, small, and varied.

‘You may get the sense that you are not valued, and that you are nothing more than a cog in a big organisation.

‘It can show up in a lack of support from managers or teams, by not being taken seriously, by being overloaded with work and then pilloried in front of workmates when you have struggled to complete it all.

‘It can show up by a lack of acknowledgement or gratitude, and the sense that you are being taken for granted.

‘It can show up by other people being promoted and with you being overlooked.

‘It can show up in people’s behaviour towards you. There are numerous examples and these are only a few.’

How to request time off

You might not want to quit, but realise that you urgently need to take a break.

In this case, book an appointment with your GP as soon as you can. When you’re there, be honest about the impact of work on your mental and physical health. It can help to bring a written list of symptoms or a diary tracking how long you’ve been feeling like this.

A doctor may recommend that you are signed off work for a few weeks, during which time it’s vital to seek therapy and work out the self-care routines that work for you.

It’s also worth talking to your manager if you’re at the point where you need time off.

‘It’s important to keep your manager appraised of the situation if you think it is likely that you will be signed off work as they may have to organise cover for you,’ says Beverley. ‘But remember – it’s not your fault that you are ill.’

How to talk to your manager about your mental wellbeing

Similarly, you might want to make changes to your work rather than leaving the job entirely.

If your work day is affecting your mental health, you are entirely right to bring this up with your direct manager.

It can help to seek out your workplace’s employee assistance programme for support, and to have a think about what changes could be made to help you. Are you in need of more flexible working hours? Have you been given too many tasks? Do you need to have a chat about progression?

Be honest with your workplace about what’s affecting you and what you need – remember people aren’t mindreaders, and things won’t change unless you ask for them.

‘It’s always important to communicate if you feel that the atmosphere in which you work has become too toxic for you to stay,’ says Beverley. ‘Talk with your manager, or your manager’s boss – someone with whom you have a good relationship.

‘Explain how you feel – people won’t know how you feel unless you tell them. Explain what you need, or how others can support you.

‘Communication is absolutely essential: it is the cornerstone of every good relationship. Ultimately, managers do not want to lose good employees, and so if you communicate well and keep those lines of communication open, you are likely to find that things will improve.

‘Your manager may have feedback for you that may help you feel better about staying in your job, so it’s always important to keep a dialogue open.’

How to know when it’s time to quit your job for your mental health

Sometimes, time off and an attempt to change things just isn’t enough to fix the crux of the issue.

At this point, we come to the tricky decision of how to know that it’s time to move on.

‘This is subjective for everyone and there is no one answer,’ says Beverley. ‘If you feel that the nature of your role is more detrimental to your mental health, if you feel the atmosphere induces depression or anxiety, if you feel that the pressure is too much, if you feel that you are not listened to or taken account of, if you feel you are taken for granted – the answer will be different for everyone.’

Some good indicators that it’s time to quit may be that it’s the overall workplace culture that just isn’t working for you, rather than any individual slights or a challenging period of time.

Perhaps you’ve communicated what you need but nothing is being done, or you’ve spoken to other people at your work who have experienced the same dread, or the bad days have started to outweigh the okay ones.

It’s important to trust your gut and tune in to how you’re really feeling. If you wake up every day wanting to quit, you probably should.

How to tackle the shame of quitting a job for the sake of your mental health

Even once you’ve realised it’s time to quit, the guilt and shame that surrounds ending your employment for the sake of your mental health might hold you back.

It can be helpful to book in some therapy in this time to bolster your decision and give you the coping strategies you need not only to deal with the stress of quitting, but the feelings of failure around that.

Remind yourself that leaving a workplace that isn’t right for you isn’t a weakness, it’s a show of immense strength; of firmly stating that your mental wellbeing is your top priority.

‘Admitting something is wrong is far better in the long run than staying in a place where the long term effects can be very serious to both mental and physical health,’ says Dee. ‘Quitting is not failing, far from it, it’s an action that makes changes.’

Beverley adds: ‘If you choose to quit a job for the sake of your mental health, you have done something incredibly important: you have put yourself and your mental health first, and you have taken responsibility for that.

‘You must do what is right for you. If you leave a job that does not suit you, then there will be one out there that will leave you feeling more fulfilled, happier, more motivated, more energetic, and more able to face the ups and downs of life.’

To talk about mental health in an open, judgement-free space, join our Facebook group, Mentally Yours.

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