I help women escape their abusers – lockdown has made my job so much harder

It’s late afternoon and I’m waiting outside a community centre in south London. The streets are quieter because of lockdown, but the danger to my client is greater than ever.

A mother of three, she has suffered relentless psychological abuse and coercive control by her partner. The perpetrator has even installed spyware on her mobile phone so he can track her movements and contacts.

I’ve arranged to give her a second-hand ‘burner’ phone, along with a charger and a SIM. For our lines of communication to stay open, we’ve had to plan our secret meeting down to every last detail – from setting her phone to flight mode and lying about losing the signal, to ensuring she has something tangible to give the perpetrator as ‘proof’ of her whereabouts.

Still, no matter how much you plan, there’s always a risk that a perpetrator might show up.

It’s terrifying, but sadly, cases like these are not unusual. During the Covid-19 crisis, there has been no relief for women and children suffering from violence in their own homes.

Fortunately, in this woman’s case, she was eventually able to move away from the perpetrator into safe accommodation provided by the council.

Domestic abuse is a gendered crime, with women making up the overwhelming majority of victims and men the overwhelming majority of perpetrators. In the three years that I’ve been an Independent Gender-Based Violence Advocate (IGVA), I’ve seen first-hand how it can destroy and dehumanise people from all walks of life. 

Everyone who suffers domestic abuse is at risk of harm from their perpetrators, but my job is to support those who are deemed at the highest risk of homicide or serious injury.

Refuge, the charity I work for, has seen demand to its National Domestic Abuse Helpline spike in recent weeks by 66%, with visits to its website increasing by 950%. Two women in England and Wales are killed by a current or former partner every week and, according to the Counting Dead Women project, domestic homicides have doubled since lockdown started.

Lockdown has been a dream for perpetrators.

It’s given abusive partners unprecedented power and control, using isolation as a tool to further their abuse. I’ve heard about some smashing phones and other devices to stop their victims from calling the police or contacting support services, and during the first week of lockdown, I gave away every spare ‘burner’ phone I had.

IGVAs like me are trained to respond to everything we see and hear, but sometimes the prevalence of abuse and the seemingly never-ending case list can make you feel hopeless.

I remind myself that if I can support just one person, then it’s worth it. We need to remain outraged by the stories we hear so we can continue to go above and beyond for our clients.

Now that perpetrators have experienced a taste of more power, I’m concerned they will find increased ways to control and isolate their victims

While refuge spaces are available, they are not always an option for survivors – and it’s a scary thing to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has to choose to stay on the streets, or return to an abusive partner. 

Safeguarding clients is a balancing act at the best of times, and it’s been made even more challenging by remote working. I liaise with many different agencies from the health service to police, solicitors, social care and housing and I’ve seen hospital staff going out of their way during this crisis to make sure my clients have a safe place to go before being discharged.

Recently, a 50-year-old client of mine collapsed in her flat on the same day we had planned for her to flee to a secure rehab clinic. She was escaping domestic abuse and needed to recover from substance misuse, and the clinic was the most suitable accommodation – but with her place now lost, I was scrambling to find analternative.

Thankfully, we were able to work with medical staff to extend her stay in hospital and guarantee her safety until she could go to rehab as planned.

As lockdown eases, cases like this give me hope. We’re already seeing an increase in people being referred to us – either by themselves, or from professionals such as police, schools, hospitals and social care – which means they have been able to seek support for the first time in months.

It’s a relief, but also a reminder that more survivors than ever still need our help. Every week, three women die by suicide as the result of domestic abuse. It breaks my heart thinking about those who have been killed during the pandemic or took their own lives to escape the continual abuse.

While some may find themselves in a position to escape their abuser once lockdown ends, others may not.

Leaving an abusive partner is the time when a woman or her children are most likely to be seriously harmed. Now that perpetrators have experienced a taste of more power, I’m concerned they will find increased ways to control and isolate their victims, by restricting clients from returning to work, to increased levels of stalking when the client is out of the home.

It’s the Government’s turn to address the challenges posed by domestic abuse during this crisis. On Monday, the Domestic Abuse Bill was passed in the House of Commons which is an incredible step, particularly for its amendments to abolish the ‘rough sex’ defence and include children in the definition of domestic abuse.

But serious gaps still remain. We need to maintain funding for refuges and other specialist services and ensure all survivors of domestic abuse can access the support they need.

Currently, the Bill offers no protection for migrant survivors and Refuge is continuing its work to strengthen it. Recently, we launched our campaign – The Naked Threat – to criminalise any threats to share intimate images and videos.

We need the Domestic Abuse Bill to be as bold and transformative as it can be. The lives of the women I support depend on real, lasting change and the need for Refuge’s services has never been greater.

I want to remind anyone who is suffering that we’re still here and that there is always a way out.

Do you have a story that you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : My locked front door offers me safety – but for domestic abuse victims it can feel like a prison

MORE : Coronavirus hasn’t stopped child abuse – it’s just made it invisible

MORE : I was a child victim of domestic abuse and our voices need to be heard too

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.