I’m back in my flat now and it’s simply disgraceful.
I haven’t had a single plate of passion fruit, strawberries and cherries or a bucket of chilled white wine in my bedroom all week.
I haven’t received a massage from any embarrassingly attractive men for days either.
And, while the British weather has been pretty good, I have had zero pristine beach action.
These are the first world problems you will encounter on your return from the boutique hotel in Mykonos – Kensho Ornos – which featured on Made In Chelsea.
Luxe but not stuck up, fun but not vulgar, Mykonos is a place to party from 1pm to 1am then bask off a hangover on a yellow sandy beach by turquoise seas.
Look, Mariah Carey’s holidayed on the Greek island, and if it’s good enough for HRH, it’s good enough for me.
It’s also popular with models including Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid.
In terms of the MIC set, they are very at home here too.
Google Mykonos and you’ll find pages of celebrity-spotting articles with the jet set doing their yoga poses by the Aegean sea.
Eagle-eyed viewers will recognise Kensho Ornos hotel, especially its spa, from the Instagram accounts of several stars.
The Kensho group also rents villas – one of which, Villa Ornos, was being used for a top designer shoot when we visited.
It’s not too shabby.
The 357 square metre villa includes an infinity pool, stunning views of the island’s famous white windmills and comfy hammocks and bean bags.
All the toiletries are Hermes (don’t pretend you won’t pack them), and the kitchen includes a fridge full of wine.
Award-winning chef George Stylianoudakis and pastry chef Dimitris Chronopoulos are on hand to cater, because who can be bothered to cook?
The concierge can book you personal trainers and spa treatments – all at the villa.
They can also sort out everything from helicopter and yacht hire to butler service and babysitting.
It costs from £2,500 per night but sleeps 12 – so if you can convince that many friends to join you and pay £209 a night, it’s not impossible.
As for Kensho Ornos hotel, the spa which Millie Mackintosh and Hugo Taylor loved so much is an absolute dream with its Germaine De Capuccini products and low key vibe.
The couple got engaged in the hotel’s Vista Suite.
Towie star Lucy Mecklenburgh is also a fan.
I went in the hammam, had one of the best massages of my life, then made a fool of myself on the rain bed in the grotto.
For the uninitiated, a rain bed is basically a slab of rock you lie face down on, then water pummels your back. Definitely don’t lie on your back unless you wonder what waterboarding might be like.
There’s also a pretty hotel pool, a jacuzzi with a view and fantastic Greek and Cretan food.
Even the shyest among you will be tempted to selfie and show off on social.
So pack your fancy outfits, your make up, lots of white, light clothes and, for heaven’s sake, your sun block and after sun, because no amount of filtering can hide sun burn scarlet.
Other glam stuff to do in Mykonos
You could happily spend your time at the hotel or villa between the pool, the lounger and your Instagram but there are some venues you’d be daft not to venture out to.
We spent an afternoon at a ridiculously glamorous beach bar, for one.
Before I came to Mykonos, the words ‘beach bar’ generally conjured up images of lobster-chested expats downing Stella on wobbly stools and terrifyingly beautiful carb-free orange ladies in white bikinis.
Principote beach bar, on Panormos beach, is a world away from this.
The entrance is very grand – I feel instinctively that J-Lo would be right at home here.
She hasn’t visited as far as I know, but England footballer Dele Alli, Prison Break actress Tasya Teles and model Yovanna Ventura have all been spotted.
There are pretty water features, a designer boutique shop and fancy washrooms.
Then there’s a stunning restaurant and comfy sun loungers.
You can sunbathe and/or run off into the clear sea (and swim pretty close to the billion pound yachts that sail in, like the one I saw when I went).
Later in the day, things ramp up a notch with a DJ.
A greek salad at Principote Mykonos costs €18, sea bass costs €30 and steaks cost from €34, while ice cream is €12.
Fresh seafood, spoon sweets and mastika are highlights here, wherever you eat.
The beach bar is open daily from 10.30am to 11pm serving snacks and drinks, while the restaurant hours are 1-9pm.
In order to get to the beach you’ll either need to book taxis or, if you’re planning to nip round the island a lot, hire a scooter, small 4×4 or other car. Smaller is better here as some lanes are pretty narrow.
It costs about €40 to get a taxi from Kensho Ornos to Principote Mykonos or Kiki’s – a cute beach bar on Agios Sostis also worth visitng – €20 to get to Mykonos town centre and €20 to the airport.
You should definitely visit the white windmills and the labyrinthine streets and the chic boutiques of Little Venice too.
Designer stores and tourist tat – this place has it all, including a branch of one of my favs – Canadian designers Dsquared2, who have an underwear vending machine in the street for some reason.
Recommended restaurants are Scorpios, Nammos, Nikos’s Taverna and Nice N Easy, while a highlight for me was the incredible view from 180 Sunset Bar.
Go glam but forget the heels – think floaty beach chic and gladiator sandals or flip flops.
Where to stay in Mykonos and how to get there:
I stayed at Kensho Ornos.
Rooms cost from £400 per night, which includes a very extensive and delicious breakfast.
Rooms feature either hot tubs or plunge pools.
EasyJet flies twice a day from Gatwick to Mykonos. The flight takes just under four hours.
Single flights with EasyJet currently costs from £32 but returns end up closer to £150 at the least this time of year.
(Top picture: Getty)
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