Some say three’s a crowd, and I’d have to agree with that statement.
I once believed having more close friends could work – they certainly did in high school when I was in a friendship group of more than five people.
But it all changed as I grew older and found myself in a threesome.
The difference between three and five is, if you have a ‘best friend’ in a group of five, there are enough people so no one feels left out.
In a group of 3, ultimately, someone’s completely left out and it can all turn sour pretty quickly.
It took me a while to realise my ‘friendship threesome’ wasn’t working out.
I had been friends with a girl named *Chloe for a long time. And one day, she invited me for drinks with her other friend, *Danielle.
Danielle and I hit it off instantly and I could see why Chloe liked her so much. She was funny, intelligent and we shared the same interests and sense of humour.
Unfortunately, Chloe noticed this and felt threatened by it.
After meeting Danielle, we went our separate ways. And then, I received a message from her a few days later asking if I fancied going for a coffee. She had some time off of work and at the time, I was a self-employed blogger and could pretty much work when I wanted.
Of course, I said yes and we went for coffee. It wasn’t awkward in the slightest despite us only having met once before.
When Chloe found out that I’d been out without her, she was furious. She didn’t understand why she hadn’t been invited when she was the one who’d connected me and Danielle.
We attempted to explain that she hadn’t been invited because she was working – but it didn’t matter.
And from that moment on, things became incredibly awkward.
Chloe would continue to invite me out – and despite knowing I’d become pretty good friends with Danielle – Danielle would never be invited.
It always had to be the two of us.
And the same went for Danielle. Chloe would invite her out but not me – almost as if she thrived on being the most popular of the group.
But I refused to let the three of us not hanging out affect my friendship with Danielle, so I continued to spend time with her, on my own.
It was a mess. Our friendship was completely lost. None of us could do anything together without it being awkward, and the awkwardness was there even when we were apart, simply because we knew talking to one person but not the other was going to create drama.
And so, one day, I called both Chloe and Danielle and asked them to meet me for a drink. I knew the only way to sort this out was to talk about what was going on.
We all met, and in as kind a way possible, I tried to explain to Chloe that what she was doing wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for her to invite us out separately, refusing to do anything with us as a trio, and then get upset when the same was done to her.
Danielle explained that she and I had developed a great friendship, and that the group’s friendship was being severely damaged by jealousy.
Chloe began crying, and instead of explaining her actions, she simply said that she felt Danielle liked me more than she did her.
Of course, we explained this wasn’t the case, but after that comment, nothing was the same. It felt uncomfortable to be in that trio – in fact, sitting in that bar with those two girls is probably the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt.
From that moment on, I knew nothing was going to be the same. How were we going to attempt to be a group of three when there was so much bad blood?
How could we do anything in pairs, or even together without being conscious or feeling guilty for our actions – even if they were unintentional?
We decided not to be a group of three, and to continue meeting separately for a while. When we were all together there was this sense of anger that was too uncomfortable to bear.
Since that conversation, which occurred more than a year-and-a-half ago now, we have met as a group once. Even then, it just did not work.
I understand that some people enjoy being in friendship groups of three – but my experience has ruined it for me.
I’d say I’m open minded about being in groups, but I’ll admit to finding myself more at ease when I’m doing things with just one other person. But, perhaps this is just because of my negative experience of being in a group of three.
How do you feel about friendship groups of three? Do you think they work? Let us know in the comments below.
This article is part of our Friendship Week – a week-long exploration of the ins and outs of modern friendship.
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