Over the years I’ve noticed how quickly people are to blame an only child’s behaviour on their lack of a brother or sister.
Not just for being spoilt and attention-seeking, but for all manner of eccentricities from phobias and naivety to disliking certain foods.
They seem to be forgetting that there are plenty of serial killers and downright a-holes with scores of siblings.
As an only child I did pine for a partner in crime at times, I’ll admit, but ultimately only children don’t know any different and can develop an independence rather than arrogance.
There’s no one to copy, lean on or argue with.
And no, just because we’re ‘onlys’ we’re not all dripping with diamonds by the age of two. Life is expensive for all parents.
We had one ‘community-spirited’ neighbour down our road endlessly trying to hook me up on play dates with the only other ‘loner’ (an unfortunate only child reference), she knew in our small town.
As my parents were also only children I think she felt an overwhelming duty to save us all.
And where does this rose-tinted view of having siblings come from?
There are plenty of siblings that have never met or despise each other, with envy and resentment bubbling over at every birthday, sniping, the snubbing of the in-laws. Unconditional love it isn’t.
Some of my newer friends nearly fell off their chairs when they realised I’m not from a larger litter, presumably because I don’t fall into their ‘weird only child’ category.
‘I’m sure you had a brother,’ one pressed on, as if I had actually somehow forgotten I had a sibling, and just needed to be reminded.
Thankfully the tides are turning.
Due to a rise in parents stopping at just one mini-me – partly due to people starting families later and a whole other host of factors like extortionate childcare – the stigma is lifting.
It’s no longer rare, but the judgement lingers.
One friend blamed her partner’s deathly boring Christmas Days on the fact he’s an only child and therefore concluded it wasn’t in his blood to enjoy a glass of sherry and game of charades.
You’ll hear these people say things like, ‘I’m sorry, but I refuse to not spend Christmas Day with my family every year because I’ve always had such a bustling dinner, we have such a laugh…’
And yet they say only children are crap at give and take. Refusing to compromise on where you spend Christmas seems to be about a selfish as it gets.
So let’s give only children a little more credit. There are pros to all types of families, but ultimately it’s not siblings that make you a decent human being.
Denise is a freelance journalist and mum of two. Follow her at www.mummysavingsanity.com and @nisecmarshall
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