Coercive Control

This is when someone you’re personally connected to repeatedly does things that make you feel controlled, dependent, isolated or scared.

You’re personally connected to someone if you’re in an intimate personal relationship with them. So they could be your partner, spouse or someone you have a romantic or sexual relationship with.

If you’re not in an intimate relationship anymore but still live together, you’re still personally connected. So the coercive control offence can still apply. If your relationship has broken down, you’ve separated and are living separately, the police might choose to follow the stalking legislation, Protection of Freedoms Act 2012.

You’re also personally connected to someone if they’re a family member you live with (in England and Wales, this doesn’t apply in Scotland). This could mean they’re anyone you’re related to or have a child with, or someone you’ve ever been, or agreed to be, married to or in a civil partnership with. Or they could be someone your spouse is related to or they live with, like a parent-in-law.

Coercive control covers things like:

• Monitoring your texts, calls and whereabouts.
• Keeping track of your regular chores and activities.
• Repeatedly putting you down, calling you names or telling you you’re worthless.
• Controlling your finances and how much money you spend.
• Threatening to hurt you, your family members or pets.
• Isolating you from your friends or family.
• Stopping you going to work.
• Forcing you to work more.
• Damaging your things, or threatening to damage them.
• Threatening to share sexual images or videos of you.

Yes. Coercive and controlling behaviour is a criminal offence.

Someone is guilty of the offence of coercive control if:

1. They are personally connected to you, and
2. Their behaviour has had a serious effect on you, and
3. They knew or ought to have known that his behaviour would have a serious effect on you.

Their behaviour is considered to have a serious effect on you if:

• You’ve been afraid violence will be used against you on at least two occasions, or
• You’ve felt serious alarm or distress that’s had a substantial effect on your usual day-to-day activities. The behaviour has had a substantial effect on you if it’s caused you to change the way you live. For example, you might have changed the way you socialise, your physical or mental health may have deteriorated, or you might have changed the way you do household chores or care for your children. If you’ve changed the way you live in order to keep you or your children safe from harm, it’s possible the behaviour you’re experiencing is coercive control.

It takes courage and determination to deal with coercive control or domestic abuse in general. But help is available. Whether you decide to stay in the abusive relationship or not, safety should be the main priority.

Steps to take:

1. Acknowledge that the relationship is abusive. This will probably be upsetting. No one wants to accept that their partner is an abuser.
2. Talk to someone you trust and who will keep it confidential. Like a friend, a relative or a colleague.
3. Contact a domestic abuse support service and talk about how you feel. Ask about your rights and options, but don’t pressure yourself to make a quick decision about what you want to do.
4. Keep reminding yourself that it’s not your fault and you deserve better.