1. |
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I'm pulling weeds
The weeds are just some art I made, my canvas for anxiety
Think you could fall on that grenade?
It's your internship ... and there's no pay
No room for cream
No room for error or for doubt
No holier than tho or thou
Maybe light snacks are all you need
A giant pretzel could make you feel better
Bored of the dance, I laugh in spite of myself
What side of bread is the side with the butter on it?
Listen to your heart (no)
Keep on keeping on (no)
Just say "no" to drugs (no)
Eat a healthy lunch (no)
Draw outside the lines (no)
Pay your parking tickets (no)
Buy one get one free (no)
Turn the other cheek (no)
Just because it's funny doesn't make it a joke
Now stop meditating and take me to go bowl
Use it till it's gone (no)
Keep on keeping on (no)
Horse after the cart (no)
Listen to your heart (no)
My hall of fame
And panic is the sport I play
We always play on Saturday
You and I both in uniform
Wherever we go, we take our big-ass folding chairs
It's a fantastic way to build a monument
A monument to Ativan
Three-legged dogs don't seem to mind
Take a good idea and do it too much
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2. |
Best Life
03:07
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everything is normal
everything is normal
everything is normal
everything is normal
hi! i'm interested in the job you have posted
it's too bad about what happened when you flashed in the pan
due to personal reasons, i said nothing in therapy:
we just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
in the future, everyone will be my friend for 15 minutes
and we'll look amazing when we're in portrait mode
we are writers! creatives! we work remotely!
i am furiously Juuling™ on the coffee shop patio!
don't want a hug, don't want to talk to a dude
man i'll be in the corner, bring me water and food
i'm on the outside looking in at you inside looking out
it's your best life if it's the life that you're living right now
don't want instructions but don't know what to do
man i'll be in the corner, bring me water and food
maybe you'll learn to make do with what you're doing without
it's your best life if it's the life that you're living right now
hey! have a very, very, very interesting day!
great minds think a lot, and so do ours, when it's boring
let's pretend we're not bitter, or better than everything
they say smiling's contagious, but you know, so is yawning
in the future, no compliments are begrudgingly given
and we are not pathologically incapable of sincerity
we are writers! creatives! we work remotely!
i'm getting a Gucci™ logo stick-and-poke, it's cheaper than therapy!
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3. |
Call Your Mom
02:00
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A microdose of friendship
I'm right twice a day
Who's the Russian oligarch now?
The oatmilk latte, the undercover cops
Here comes another sleepless night
You rise and then shine to the DVD menu
You ever open both of your eyes at the same time ... only to find you got a Cheekface lyric face tat?
They hold hands as she reaches for the pasta
While we wait in line for participation trophies
Waiting until we get hungry again
Leave the tap running at the fountain of friends
Keep the receipts if you want to return life's gift to the mall
A canary in a gold mine
An IV drip of kindness
Quick, touch all the dogs
No late capitalism while I'm talking
Life's rich uncles, their ice cream shop has closed
Fear served us well for quite some time
Now we grow our own kale and live our lives
They want your attention 24/7? Resistance is easy: call your mom
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4. |
Crying Back
02:35
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Stuttering more lately s-s-s-s-s-s-saying stuff
Living here sucks if you're made out of dandruff
Weeds have overtaken the yard of my mind
What is a stalker but a friend that you don't like?
I'm bringing crying back
Crying's the new black
Crying on my snacks
Drop the buttered bread the buttered side down
I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably fine
No pocket for your phone in your surgical gown
I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably fine
I'm a block of marble you can chip chip chip away at me
There must be something good underneath ... just keep hammering
Everybody's free. Free to drink sunscreen
This song is not medical advice, ask a doctor if sunscreen is right for you
I'm bringing crying back
Crying's the new black
Crying on my snacks
Drop the buttered bread the buttered side down
I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably fine
Mass extinction, abduction, the traffic across town
I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably fine
Malicious alien landing, Yellowstone supervolcano
No exceptions or acceptance at the Waffle House
No pocket for your phone in your surgical gown
I'm sure it's nothing, it's probably fine
Woo
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5. |
Wedding Guests
02:31
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let's do the mortal coil shuffle
the cumulative average of wasted time
anxiety plus caffeine
every pleasure is guilty and the pleasure is mine
only one of us is keeping score of the game
where'd you get the band name? where'd you get the band name?
... Edible Arrangements
everything is OK
got my old phone replaced
now i do nothing faster than i did yesterday
and i took off my shades just to fall on my face
it was such a disaster that i canceled my date (like i did before)
life is long like a CVS receipt
not much to do unless you eat your cake and dance like wedding guests
life is long, there's no laundry left to clean
not much to say unless you have a slow joke you wanted to tell, i guess
let's do the in-limbo limbo
the emergency alert for celebrity net worth
oh man, an omen
a man, a plan, a plain bagel and an omelette
one more song! one more song!
yeah, we're getting famous, but they still spell our name wrong
some personal news:
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6. |
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Fiji, VOSS, Topo Chico, La Croix
Running through the veins of each American boy
Spray-on chemtrails from Louis Vuitton
Overzealous patdown from stupid Uncle Don
What makes a man want to be a referee, holding others to a standard that he does not meet?
My security deposit was not returned to me
Damage to the carpet is a matter of degrees
Here's my TED Talk about washing the driveway
People do it wrong I'm gonna teach you the right way
Pink Starbursts only when observing the Lord's day
Your parents' pride and joy
Don't want to go to Calabasas
Fiji, VOSS, Topo Chico, La Croix
Flowing from a fountain of a cherubic boy
Cooler Ranch-flavored communion wafers
Transubstantiation flesh and full of life
I only want to talk to people who already know how lame I am
And is con man really short for condiment man?
Boyfriend with a soul patch, I know, I know, it's serious
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7. |
Original Composition
02:32
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I want to overthrow the government! Or at least the bad part ...
Remember when you though the whole world would collapse at your feet?
Well, it turns out the whole world will collapse, but that's the result of a costly mistake
Human trash everywhere! Tastes like excessive plastic
Man it's a hot one, and everything is on fire
Let's see what chaos visited humanity today, while I walked on a wire
The climate changed and I left it on read
The bees died off and I left it on read
They don't recycle your Sprite bottles any more
Don't need a Weatherman to know
Standing on an X: the X where you'll watch the sun set on mankind
The exploded Spaghetti-O's on the microwave window of the sky
Life itself is a pre-existing condition, an original composition, a limited edition, an invitation to return to the destination
Let's see what chaos visited humanity today while I was on vacation
The climate changed and I left it on read
The bees died off and I left it on read
They don't recycle your Sprite bottles any more
Don't need a Weatherman to know
Nations collapsed and I left it on read
Peak oil and gas and I left it on read
They don't recycle your Zoloft bottles any more
Don't need a weather man to know
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8. |
No Connection
03:47
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If you're not disappointed yet, just give me some time
I'm feeling fine but not better than fine
If there's one piece of advice that I want to pass along, it's to dress for the dog you want
For the dog you want ...
I got blood under my fingernails from scratching my head
We got a lot of croutons, so we better make this salad
My new therapy is just thinking about my friends
(Maybe that's what it feels like to miss someone)
I've got memories that aren't that good
I've got dreams and dreams are not that good
I'm announcing loudly, "I don't know what's going wrong!"
I tried turning it off and then turning it back on
Do I look better when I'm suffering?
There's no connection
I'm announcing loudly that we were never friends
No shirt, no shoes, no justice
I did not mean to offend
Everything might be OK
There's no connection
There's no connection
Red sauce, white sauce, anything you like
He's a farmers market shaman with a petition for you to sign
Well just let me know when you finish taking down capitalism, man
Until then I'm gonna stay inside
I'm gonna stay in ...
I got memories that aren't that good
I got dreams and dreams are not that good
I'm announcing loudly, "I don't know what's going wrong!"
I tried turning it off and then turning it back on
Do I look better when I'm suffering?
There's no connection
I'm announcing loudly that we were never friends
No shirt, no shoes, no justice
I did not mean to offend
Everything might be OK
There's no connection
There's no connection
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9. |
Emotional Rent Control
02:59
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I'm sorry for what I did with your heartfelt letter
what's the wifi login and password in heaven?
we're living paycheck to paycheck to paycheck to paycheck
saving for a big scorpion neck tat on the soul
I am eating like it's thanksgiving, but without the gratitude
shouting fire at therapy and at Panda Express
is it a business or a hobby? a hobby or a business?
let's replace all the vowels with asterisks
break down the boxes and put the lid on the trash
I'm feeling good, but I'm sure it will pass
we need emotional rent control, we're changing our minds
we need to put our brand new phones in a bucket of rice
we need low interest rates to refinance our jealousy and envy
we need Prudential insurance for when our insides are empty
we need state-mandated disclosures of people who aren't nice
we need multiple choice tests and a small side of fries
we need a giant freaking Snickers bar full of ice cream
we need emotional rent control and real-ass intimacy
Venmo me when you get home so i know you are safe!
a phone call from Unknown, i answer just to have someone to talk to ...
so much of life can be viewed through the metaphor of dance:
love, loss, war, fate, fear, protesting nuclear plants
feathers in a duck's mouth from eating the other ducks
I love to touch things a lot of people have touched
I am young, dumb and full of psychiatric medication
I have watched every single episode of PBS NewsHour and now I'm going on vacation
can you believe this could be more interesting than human interaction together?
I'm sorry for what i did with your heartfelt letter
break down the boxes and put the lid on the trash
I'm feeling good, but I'm sure it will pass
we need emotional rent control, we're changing our minds
we need to put our brand new phones in a bucket of rice
we need low interest rates to refinance our jealousy and envy
and we need State Farm insurance for when our stomachs are empty
we need state-mandated disclosures of people who aren't nice
we need multiple choice tests and a small side of fries
we need a giant freaking Snickers bar full of ice cream
we need emotional rent control and real-ass intimacy
Venmo me when you get home so i know you are safe!
a phone call from Unknown, i answer because i have a few things i'm trying to work through ...
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10. |
Big Big Friend
02:27
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pedantic romantic
the panic starts to creep
i am just a dude! nobody hassle me
majored in college
i earned a dude's degree
by buying a notebook and sneezing on my things
i come from a long line of people
a long line of people who procreated
pedantic romantic
no angels ascend
could file a complaint
just tell a big, big friend
consumer behavior has come to an end
take back your deposit
and bring a big, big friend
poetic, synthetic
they mean the same to me
i inspire pathos among the faculty
a nine-minute mile
a minor misery
they're gonna give me tenure
see you at Applebee's
i come from a long line of people
a long line of
pedantic romantic
no angels ascend
could file a complaint
just tell a big, big friend
consumer behavior has come to an end
take back your deposit
and bring a big, big friend
(woo)
i come from a long line of people
a long line of people who are problematic
pedantic romantic
no angels ascend
could file a complaint
just tell a big, big friend
consumer behavior has come to an end
take back your deposit
and bring a big, big friend
tell a big, big friend
to bring a big, big friend
tell a big, big friend
to bring a big, big friend
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11. |
Loyal Like Me
02:44
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There's unlimited breadsticks in the buffet line
Thanks for the warm plate but I already filled with the kinds of things you were offering me
Did you think I would change? Well I guess you'll see
Your discipline and self control are fine
It means so much from someone I admire
Let's clear the air cause it sucks to be social
No need to touch me in an overly friendly way when the disappointment is coming
Just let me have this one and the next one and the next one and the next one
And there's no need to remind me. I already know
Two, three
Be loyal like me
Enjoy life with the currency
Two, three
Be loyal like me
And waste the gift
It came for free
I do drugs off my friends' bodies
I grind the beans and burn them into coffee steam
Sending our heartfelt apologies from the royal we (that's me and my phone)
Coughing all over the awards that you gave me
I'm done standing next to this Dumpster fire
Would you put it out after I'm gone?
I'm running late for my closeup on the Jumbotron
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12. |
Do You Work Here?
02:50
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Bad art at a discount
At the bad mitzvah
Why is music so loud?
Canceled the male eccentric
Who won the trophy
With a violent mouth
Is this a good time?
Is this a good time?
I never don't panic so I always don't try
I found the treasure but it was broken
Do you work here? Do you think you can help me?
Front row at the show, I am looking down at my phone
I found the treasure but it was broken
Do you work here? Do you think you can help me?
Emergency alert
Raid the band merch for a clean t-shirt
I draw a line on the sidewalk you are not allowed to cross
Played the homecoming game, won't take my uniform off
Just spat coffee all over myself on Sunset Boulevard, but no one saw
One dog named iPhone and the other named Galaxy
One folded pizza and my face itches constantly
One part cryptocurrency and one part ancient history
We only got two songs left
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13. |
Don't Get Hit by a Car
02:45
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I can do the easy part, you only have to do the hard part
Are my hands freakishly huge and is that why everything slips through my fingers?
Let's get canceled!
Let's get canceled together!
If I get canceled, I want to get canceled together!
Exclusion is a gift
A silver medal
The end of youth
A couple packs of my favorite snacks
Dr. Dre, not Dr. Seuss
No tenants and no trees
No snowmobiles and no skis
Call your doctor immediately if you faceplant in the salad bowl
I'm doing this out of sheer boredom over an Apple Store employee type beat
Sometimes I wonder if a single good thing exists on Earth, and then I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Everything is boring now
I can't help it, I
I can't help it
Everything is boring now
I can't help it, I
I can't help it
An emoji for each stage of grief
Man, good luck looking good in anything
Human trash is everywhere
And the highlights get older every year
Everything is boring now
I can't help it, I
I can't help it
Exactly, Kevin! The moon just sits there! A blood blister!
I knew you were full of [expletive deleted] from the moment you called yourself a straight shooter! A supreme corpse too busy looking at someone else's phone!
600 white guys have formed a line to give me advice
But I'm the kind of person who carries around a pocket Constitution so you don't need to buy me one because I already have one
Every night is a celebration for some reason for these rich goth teens wearing Marilyn Manson makeup, in search of a second bagel
There's always a reason to talk about yourself
Are you in line?
Discarding an empty bag of smooth jazz electrolytes
And of course I relate to Lena Dunham – I relate to every annoying genius
Don't get hit by a car!
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Cheekface Los Angeles, California
merch: houseshoes.online
tickets: linktr.ee/cheekface
gigs: [email protected]
press: [email protected]
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